Five
I remember being five years old. It was a good many intervening years ago now, filled with plenty of sound and fury. I don’t think it is odd that I remember being five. What may be considered a bit odd is how vividly I remember the experience of being five, committing to being five, and promising myself that I would stay five.
I have six older brothers and three older sisters. My house was always busy while I was growing up- always. There were times when I would be able to get lost in the crowd and get away with not taking a bath for a night, or I would be included in a task that normally would not be given to a five year old, like ferrying tools to a sibling on a ladder. More than once I stayed under the radar and was able to breach my bedtime to watch important events on the news, or to keep watching pivotal games. This is how I come to remember footage of foot soldiers on patrol in Viet Nam.
The year my brother Joe went to first grade and I stayed home I had the entire house to myself. My mother may have been thinking that there was just one child left to send to school before she could begin the next phase of her own life. I was thinking how good it was to have my mother’s attention. I remember being able to say, “Ma” and having her answer. Not that she wouldn’t answer before, but you had to make your voice the one that was heard among all the others in order to get her attention.
I clearly remember leaning against the upright part of the boat trailer hitch piece in our driveway. We had a boat in our driveway most of my young life, and it was always a place to play, if not to sail. I remember thinking that the feeling of calm and contentment that I had day to day during the week was unfamiliar, but was nice. I knew that first grade would start for me the very next year, and that my life would change forever. I could not have put it in those words back then, but I did know it.
I clearly remember telling myself that I wanted to stay five forever, and I knew exactly why. I still know, because I keep reminding myself. I won’t try to put the reason into words, it was largely something that has to be experienced; and even then it is more a sense of being than a knowledge of knowing. Putting words around the experience will do it no justice and in fact may belittle it. But I knew it then, and I know it now, regardless of all of the sound and fury in between. I don’t expect that as the years run on I will forget my promise to myself to stay five forever.
My daughter is five. Sometimes my wife tells me that I talk to her like she is too grown up, like she is far more advanced than a five year old really is. I won’t do her the disservice of insulting her intelligence or underestimating her capacity. I know how aware and alive and engaged she really is, and I know how impressionable, and I know how wondrous. I know from experience that her five will go on forever, and I won’t rob her of the chance to gather up all of the good five that she can, or to arm herself against the coming sound and fury.
I have six older brothers and three older sisters. My house was always busy while I was growing up- always. There were times when I would be able to get lost in the crowd and get away with not taking a bath for a night, or I would be included in a task that normally would not be given to a five year old, like ferrying tools to a sibling on a ladder. More than once I stayed under the radar and was able to breach my bedtime to watch important events on the news, or to keep watching pivotal games. This is how I come to remember footage of foot soldiers on patrol in Viet Nam.
The year my brother Joe went to first grade and I stayed home I had the entire house to myself. My mother may have been thinking that there was just one child left to send to school before she could begin the next phase of her own life. I was thinking how good it was to have my mother’s attention. I remember being able to say, “Ma” and having her answer. Not that she wouldn’t answer before, but you had to make your voice the one that was heard among all the others in order to get her attention.
I clearly remember leaning against the upright part of the boat trailer hitch piece in our driveway. We had a boat in our driveway most of my young life, and it was always a place to play, if not to sail. I remember thinking that the feeling of calm and contentment that I had day to day during the week was unfamiliar, but was nice. I knew that first grade would start for me the very next year, and that my life would change forever. I could not have put it in those words back then, but I did know it.
I clearly remember telling myself that I wanted to stay five forever, and I knew exactly why. I still know, because I keep reminding myself. I won’t try to put the reason into words, it was largely something that has to be experienced; and even then it is more a sense of being than a knowledge of knowing. Putting words around the experience will do it no justice and in fact may belittle it. But I knew it then, and I know it now, regardless of all of the sound and fury in between. I don’t expect that as the years run on I will forget my promise to myself to stay five forever.
My daughter is five. Sometimes my wife tells me that I talk to her like she is too grown up, like she is far more advanced than a five year old really is. I won’t do her the disservice of insulting her intelligence or underestimating her capacity. I know how aware and alive and engaged she really is, and I know how impressionable, and I know how wondrous. I know from experience that her five will go on forever, and I won’t rob her of the chance to gather up all of the good five that she can, or to arm herself against the coming sound and fury.
posted by Traveler at 1:07 PM
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